dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
