Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
