At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
