We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
