If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
