Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
