I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
