So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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