Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
