I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We had to coat check the pizza.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
