2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
