hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
