She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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