She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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