oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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