How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
