There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
