My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
