boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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