We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
