Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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