The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
