I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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