Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
