I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
