Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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