And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
