if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
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