I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
