i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
