You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
