honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
