Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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