so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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