You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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