That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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