A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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