In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
