I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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