If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
