I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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