I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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