i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
