to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
