i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
