covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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