I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
