clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
