i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
