tell your sister to shave her snatch
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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